Preserve Our New History
Despite what the historians say, America likes to throw rocks then hide its hand. American history has been rewritten, revised & redefined to paint colonizers as heroes despite the way they loot & pillaged in the name of Christianity. Our history & heritage was purposely burned & hidden & the caveat is they attempt to pacify us with crumbs from a stolen cake. Sites like Ancestry.com will find your hidden information but for a nominal fee yet having a clause about entertainment purposes in its terms of service. It’s near impossible for a man to arrive at his destination without even knowing where his point of origin.
As a photographer I know the vitality of preserving our current memories, events & history. I’ve had a few friends & a few customers literally cry after informing them that I still have copies of photos that they no longer have access to. We all have really good cameras on our phones but where do our photogenic memories end up after we close the camera app? Do they end up lost when we misplace our device? Or are they forever gone like the history of our ancestors when the hard drive to our computer crashes? Some are even sent to the cloud & lost forever because we forget the password to our account. We have become so careless with our precious memories and it’s up to us to preserve and protect our new history. I promise you will shed 1 tear for each memory that’s been put to death by a power surge that fries the circuit of your computer.
The digital age is so quick & convenient but so much can go wrong. When was the last time you got physical prints made for a photo album? When you get photos printed, you can store them in a scrapbook & leave notes and documentations so the next generation will know what we do not know about now ancestors. There’s a forgotten beauty in holding a physical image. So much meaning and quality is lost admiring a picture on a backlit screen. I challenge the I.L.L community to start a small photo album & notate the event date & people featured. Your family will appreciate the effortless motions of opening up an album opposed to trying to figure out the password to your phone.
We may not have much from our forefathers but let’s start safeguarding our new memories so that the next generation will have a better starting point in the race of life. The point of history is to read about past mistakes & accomplishments. We must learn from our mistakes & mistakes of the ones that came before us. Also, look at their achievements & celebrate in their memories in hopes that one day soon our new school of Kings & Queens can celebrate our positive deeds.
And Tranquility Was Her Name
Navarre Beach FL
In 1989, a movie came out called Field of Dreams. In the movie, Kevin Costner was a farmer & this strange voice repeatedly told him to build a baseball field & “they” will come. I won’t spoil too much of the film but I will say that “they” showed up. I speak so constantly & vehemently about how our citizenry should join activities to release the toxicity from our everyday lives. Solidarity is not a moon that only resides on the other side of the tracks. It’s definitely possible to reach a state of peace in our community. I’ve been speaking on this topic since I started this digital diary that we call blogs & after all the months of speaking about it & calling on her, she showed me exactly who she truly was.
I saw her face & Tranquility was her name. While vacationing in Pensacola FL, my Airbnb super host recommended I visit Navarre Beach located in Navarre FL. I’ve never been an outdoorsy person & I’ve never really been a fan of beaches. Beaches gave me a very negative 1st impression due to the fact that the only beach I’ve ever visited was in Galveston, TX & if you are familiar with beaches in the Gulf of Mexico, they do not offer the purest waters in the world. While standing on the sugary white sands & taking photo after photo of its beauty, I decided to pop in my AirPods & enjoy a few of my favorite songs while indulging into my new favorite visual.
I was awestruck by the amount of beauty this beach unselfishly held. The more & more I asked for, the more it gave. The old saying “Be careful what you ask for” is real. I’ve been asking for inner peace the past few months & the holiness of Navarre Beach gave me more than I could clasp. While soaking in the celestial breeze that skipped across the 82℉ waters, I was struck in the heart by something sharp. That sharp object was dipped in some sort of tranquilizer. I stood there in a blissful paralysis while the scenery overtook my abilities of motion. I stared at the line where the water meets the sky.
When it is quiet you are able to hear peace. You are also able to feel peace when you are relaxing or meditating. I’m the ONLY man on this planet that has been blessed with the opportunity to see peace. I saw peace & Tranquility was her name. I gazed her in her mighty eyes for about 120 seconds. That limited about of time seemed an entire eternity. In that moment, nothing else mattered. My knees became weak. I lost all sense of sound, taste, feel & smell. All I could do is see & I saw Tranquility’s face. I stood there fixated on her natural beauty & didn’t care that she had robbed me of the other 4 elements that I use for sensory information. Tranquility smiled at me as she spoke. She teased me because she knew she had stolen my ability to hear so she spoke to my heart. Her message me was in some foreign language that I did not understand but my heart deciphered her message without confusion. I wanted to converse with Tranquility & tell her my problems, issues & insecurities but 2 things were wrong. I could not speak & even if I could, I had zero knowledge on how to say it in her language.
Tranquility blew me a kiss & when her lips touched my entire being, I regained the ability to move my neck. I looked at the sweet Earth beneath my feet & saw my 4 senses were laying there along with a lifetime of pain, sorrow, regret & mistakes. My heart regained consciousness as Tranquility’s wordsmith me one last time. I honestly could not decipher her last message but as I looked up at the perfect sky, Tranquility’s face was gone. I quickly looked back at the ground & all my senses & negative baggage had been swept away to sea.
I come to the citizens of I.L.L to tell you that I lost all sense of hearing. I can no longer hear the negative melodies this life loves to orchestrate for us. I can also no longer feel. I will never again feel pain for Tranquility swept that away from me. I lost the capability to taste & smell the foulness that we get served. I can only see. And I want to see my people find their own inner peace & witness spiritual fitness. Stay fit so you too can experience real spiritual healing.
When you pray & meditate, be sure to call on those specific aspects that your inner being is asking for. I’ve asked to meet Tranquility for a while & she finally came to me in such a cleansing fashion. I love Tranquility & can’t wait til our eyes meet again. You haven’t experienced peace til Tranquility has kissed your soul & washed away your baggage & your ability to acquire toxic clutter.
☮️ I.L.L Community
A Father’s Love
Posted by My Co-writer & Editor
I had a rough life growing up. My father always lived by the motto, "do as I say, not as I do." So while he always taught me and my siblings to clean up after ourselves he did the complete opposite and made us clean up after him. Some would look at that and allow it to have a negative impact on their future but I'm a little different. I allowed that to mold me into someone that loves to stay organized and clean. I'm sure that I work my husband's nerves sometimes with my need to keep everything organized but he secretly appreciates it. We notice that our children tend to follow my lead when we walk into their rooms and see their rooms are all neat and organized and they are toddlers. I see my husband smile in amazement as he says they definitely have my organizing genes.
The things I did not like about my father when I was growing up I made sure to marry a man that was the complete opposite in those ways. Everything that I asked God for in my husband was given to me. I'm so blessed that my kids have the father that I never had. I can't say that I wish my father was different because I'm sure my future would probably be completely different if so.
My father had his ways but he wasn't the worst father. He was sure to always tell us that he loved us even if he didn't show it well. I truly believe that he loved me and my siblings to the best of his ability. His mother passed away when he was very young and I believe that him growing up without her love had a negative impact on how he treated females in general. He always said, "see you later" instead of "goodbye" until he passed away a few years ago. That was a very hard day for me because I did not have a good relationship with him when he passed away but I still loved him dearly and had always hoped that one day our relationship would be mended.
I was blessed with a father-in-law that treated me the way I had always wished my father would have treated me. Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago as well. That day was extremely hard for me as well. I felt like God blessed me with this awesome father figure and took him away from me wayyyy too soon. But I am very grateful that He allowed me to experience the love from him that I lacked from my father in the short amount of time that he was my "daddy".
My kids are very blessed to have a father that loves them a lot and takes such good care of them. I know a lot of kids are not as fortunate as my kids are and it breaks my heart that a lot of kids grow up without a father or with one that treats them badly. My husband has a genuine love for kids and he tends to be a father figure to those kids that are in need of fatherly advice or just need someone to say that they matter and show them that they are loved. Our kids are crazy about him and I love how much they all love each other.
I allowed my childhood to mold me into someone that wanted nothing but the best for my kids. Which is why I was very picky when it came to choosing a future husband that I hoped to raise a family with one day. The one characteristic that I didn't mind him having that my father had was the ability to make me laugh. My dad had a lot of mean and serious ways but if you caught him on the right day he could make anyone around him laugh over the silliest things he would say. I definitely wanted my husband to be funny but I had a long list of things I didn't want to see in him that I felt would remind me of how my dad treated me when I was growing up.
I just believe that every child deserves to be treated right and I wanted my children to grow up with a father that would treat them like they deserved to be treated. In return, one day they will grow up and marry someone as amazing as their dad and their children will have an amazing father as well. They will not only hear the words, "I love you" but they will truly feel the love as well.
The Hidden Father
My dad & I. 📸1-7-2012
Happy Father’s Day Community. Today is the day we celebrate & commemorate all the real Black fathers. This will probably be a very difficult post to compose due to the sensitivity of the topic. My thoughts were truly all over the road until my editor showed me which lane I needed to be in. Society & the media will twist your arm to convince you that real, loving Black Dad’s are as rare as polka dotted unicorn. This was the initial course I was taking. Then something in me said I was to speak on my hidden dad. I’m not the only person in the world with a hidden father so for numerous reason, I declined to take that road. Here at I.L.L, we do not promote the condemnation of one’s mistakes to exalt another. I am not vilifying him but stating a fact that I had a hidden father.
As a child, there were not many dads on my street. I had a favorite uncle who would drive in from Houston almost every weekend but other than that, I didn’t have many male influences. It was a teaspoon of normalcy not to see dads around so I never questioned who he was, where he was or why he wasn’t here. Kids were conditioned not to question adults about adult affairs & a child was suppose to be seen & not heard back then. As years went by, his absence did not affect me largely. I can count on 1 hand how many times I imagined what life would be like if I had a Heathcliff Huxtable or a James Evens Sr. molding me. Then it happened. When I was 19 years old, I ran into someone who knew my dad on a personal level & she introduced us. 😳
After spending a little time with him, I found out that he was really a nice & funny guy. He was a God-fearing man that loved his church & he was well loved throughout the community. So many people praised & spoke highly of ole Slim. I started noticing that genetics are real & I had a lot of qualities & interests from a guy who was hidden. We looked & acted a lot alike despite him not being around to influence me. The curiosity of what type of man I would have been if I had his hand of influence but a close friend told me that I am amazing the way I am & the butterfly effect could make me a completely different man if I had changed one of the many influences I was already blessed with.
The Sagittarius in me began to research. Deer do not have to be taught to walk; they just walk when the time comes. Mother bird doesn’t teach baby bird how to release himself from his shell so do I need a dad to learn how to become one? In life, we are all dealt different hands. What makes one man could be that same element that breaks another. I took the cards I was dealt & began analyzing my hand. This is when I realized that I, too, was a hidden father. Let me clarify that. I had a hidden father buried deep inside of me. But how do I crack the shell & release him? The father in me just knew how to release himself that day I saw my daughter being born.
Parents with multiple children will definitely let it be known that each child has their own personality, attitude and mindset. There is no “Black Dad’s Blueprint for Parenting”! So in my opinion, it’s uber important to have that positive male’s presence or a constructive father figure to become James Evans. I was not blessed to have that male impact to imprint the stamp of manhood approval on my chest. But I did have the most precious person in my life teach me how to reveal the hidden father in me. MY NEW BORN DAUGHTER!
Holding her for the first time showed me that I needed to release the hidden father in me. Any & everything that was keeping that inclosed was instantly shattered when I saw those celestial eyes. She taught me that I needed to do for her all the thing I wish mines had done for me. My daughter instilled in me that being anything less than a man of my word could permanently damage her fragile heart. That overnight transformation took me from being a Black man to being an unhidden Black Father. I became a protector! A provider! A dad joke dropping comedian. I became a better cleaner, a more wholesome cook. Every life lesson that was engraved in me was amplified by 💯 after seeing her face. In the past, Kings took part in making princes’ & princesse’s but 1-7-2006 was the first time in history that a Princess created a King.
Happy Father’s Day. Instill Love & Loyalty . Inspirationally Live Live!
Time To Let It Go pt. 2
When I was younger, I stopped by a gas station & was approached by an older gentleman & he asked for some change. I told him let me take care of my purchase first & he was more than welcome to have the change. While navigating the aisles of the store, I realized they did not have a particular item that I was in search for. In that instant, I too, was looking for change. I had to change my mind & find a secondary item. While playing snack scavenger hunt, I ran across a box of Cracker Jacks. I entertained childhood memories of this treat & quickly came to grips that I had outgrown this & no longer wanted to consume such poison. I eventually made my selection and departed from the store. I was immediately met by OG (older gentleman) & he reminded me that I had some change for him. He smiled, not at the change, but because I kept my word!
OG & I shook hands & exchanged possession of the change. He looked me in my eyes and said, “Sir, I now have some change for you!” My grandmother assisted in raising me & I learned at a uber young age to respect all elders & their wise words. The change he had for me was’ “IF YOU CANT CHANGE YOUR FRIENDS, CHANGE YOUR FRIENDS!”
The point of life is to grow & flourish into someone better than you were the previous calendar day. Growth is much more than a physical upgrade. Expanding your mind & soul via prayer, reading self help articles or taking a course to sharpen a craft is also a way to progress in life. A lot of times this means we end up outgrowing friends. The shoes we spoke of in part 1 is the perfect paradigm for friends. We rock them while they fit & once they began to hurt us, we let me go & find another pair that is fit for a King or Queen.
Just because you outgrow a friend or family member doesn’t mean you are better than them. It simply means you have taken a different route to achieve a more desirable destination. The only we are on this planet, our allergies & tastebuds change. We acquire alternate tastes in life opposed to the previous tastes that have grown bland. But stay on your toes community. When we steer off into smoother roads, the ones we leave behind will try to pot-hole you by saying things like “ The money made him change his route!” Change isn’t only beneficial at a snack machine. Change is healthy & should be well welcomed. During our lives we change jobs, change batteries & change our mind. Don’t get wrapped in attempting to change people; but focus on changing certain aspects of a person to assist them in achieving better energy in their Kingdom or Queendom. If you notice you are wasting time & energy in trying to change your friends, maybe its time to CHANGE OUR FRIENDS!
Peace Community!
Time To Let It Go pt. 1
Sometimes you gotta let it go! One of the looniest things we do in life; in my option, is pay for storage space. We shell out hundreds of dollars per month to house miscellaneous items that most would deem as mere junk. It could be furniture that no longer compliments a new home decor or articles of clothing that have either shrunk or we have out grown. Your favorite pair of shoes are also kept there. That same pair of shoes that fit so perfect back in the day but will hurt your feet today. Hurt is a sign of pain & pain is our body’s natural notification that something is wrong. It’s lunacy to hold on to something that will cause you discomfort in the end. So lets explore why our community find it so hard to let it go!
Old emotions from previous relationships are the first thing we try want to neatly stack in storage. Holding on to old letters or even cyber stalking their social media is an uber unhealthy why to deal with parting from a spouse or companion. It only pains you to see celebratory social media posts when they put their new car, house or relationship on display. Its total malice to be saddened by another’s upgrade. Stop trying to make sure the new flame is a demotion because your face will always be in your lap once you see the new relationship was an upgrade.
Its natural to want to hold on to junk & baggage but the leader in is should be strong enough to lift the negative baggage of life & drop it off a cliff. A flourishing way to start this process is to use this filtration system. Separate all the diseased baggage away from the luggage that heathy or the baggage that is salvage worthy. Once we have determined what remains & what needs to scat, we can haul it all out at one time and drop a match on it. Just like the rejuvenating bliss we achieve from burning incenses, setting aflame unwanted emotions will give you that same satisfaction.
Please understand that Emotions are invisible products that are unable to break bones but can tear the foundation of your soul asunder. It is hard enough sweeping up the pieces of a broken heart ❤️🩹 but imagine puzzle piecing the nutrients of your soul back to a whole. Prayer is needed. Meditation is needing! A lot of me-time & soul searching is what you MUST take by the horns & control this rigid ride in the direction we want it to go. And the end of the day, we as leaders and protectors but speak our minds on some emotions & keep quiet on others. Keep in mind that sometimes silence is a POWERFUL voice. Once you defeat the demons that are draining your self mastery, you will be able to go to your storage, turn in the keys & begin to let it all go!
The Power of The Word Black
You have to be a powerful individual to change an entire concept with just your presence alone. Having the strength to show up & make a definition & ideology of a word change with night & day difference is the ultimate power. I know the intro of this post has been blogged over and over like beating a dead horse. The word I’m referring to is BLACK. Ice can be a beautiful thing but add the word black to it and black ice is the deadliest form of ice. We all would love to be listed but no one wants to be Black-listed. Black mailed, Black market are a few more examples. A magician is welcomed to put on a magic show but Black magic will kill you. Going from balled to Black balled is the worse. Everything Black always has this evil connotation. Imagine the word LIE being placed at numerical zero. Add the word white & it raises the value to a positive number. But the worse thing you can do in life is tell a Black lie.
There’s this thing called love. Love is an enormous word that makes every soul smile. But what happens when you add the word Black to Love? What happens is an indescribable emotion that can not be replicated. Society will tell you that Black love is as rare as a unicorn. Never believe the fabricated tales that society tells. Black Love is as abundant & plentiful as pollen in the air on a warm Spring afternoon. Just like pollen, just because you don’t see it directly doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Step out of your own world next time you are out in public. Peel your eyes off of your phone for a few minutes and pay attention to what’s going on around you. Watch how black couples interact with each other in comparison to white couples. The Black man & woman will walk side by side. Both sides of the institution will have a smile of peace planted on their face. Even when there’s a disagreement, Black Love knows that no weapon formed can destroy it. Black love is potent yet gentle. It knows when to go on display. When its on display, the beauty & power that it possess is concrete evidence that there is a God.
Support A Black Business
Begin here if you love the hear What’s The Tea. If you are a fan peach tea & Black owned businesses, you should give Frenchie Baule a chance. Its a refreshing mix of sweet peach tea & vodka. The presentation is eye catching & the bottle’s contest is a nice way to end a hectic day. To enjoy this blend will not break the bank. What’s The Tea can be found at any local Specs in the vodka section or click the provided link to shop online. So grab a bottle or two the next time you want to relax & spill some tea with the fam! Peace community!
Reading Red Flags
One of my new favorite sayings is “Learn to Read the Room!” What this means is be aware of what is going on in a room. (or a situation) A lot of citizens in our community are single & ready to mingle. No matter what avenue you meet your companion, be it online or in flesh, you STILL have to keep your 3rd eye open and read to room. When you are in tune to your surround, your god given talent of noticing red flags should immediately activate as you began reading the room.
Whenever we notice something isnt right in a situation, we say its time to address the elephant in the room. But the way I see it, if we pick up on these red flags day one, there will be no need to address an elephant on day 2. The hard part of meeting someone is you are NOT meeting them; but an imitation or representative of who they truly are. Even if they choose not to show their true personality, paying attention to red flags can prevent the emotional blow of unexpected heart pains.
When you meet that “special” someone, here are a few ways to assist you in reading the room. Humans are creatures of habit so watch out for patterns of unavailability. If they suddenly have phone issues or have to be off the phone after 10pm, could be a red flag that they are n9t being totally honest you. While out at dinner, you can determine what type of person you are dealing with by what they order and how they treat the restaurant staff. Play close attention to their diction or word annunciation. This, too, will show you the real side of an individual.
I can’t even lie. There are some beautiful & flawless women in our community. We are fortunate to have some of the sexiest eye candy on the planet . But lets not get caught up in the beauty and end up wasting time and energy on the wrong beaut! Keep you eyes open an be mindful of red flags.
The Recovery Room
After a serious, traumatic event; we are immediately wheeled to the recovery to…well to RECOVER! While in the recovery room, patients are usually under round the clock supervision. Every moment after trauma is important because any wrong decision could make or break a situation.
Not every stressful situation requires a traditional room of recovery. A recovery room could be as simple as a small corner to pray in or a bedroom to play your favorite song. In this life there are only 2 types of mistakes . Ones that you can recover from & ones you had to adjust to and live with. The first step is to realize what type of mistaking you are mustering & then proceed from there. As black men, its highly important that we own up to our mistakes big or small.
Dealing with mishaps can put a strain on your mental health. Stress is a major form of negative energy that can shred a man’s focus, drive and emotions. We have to find ways t channel this negativity out of our pore so we can concentrate on getting back to our King way of life. We all deal with stress differently & we all have diverse activities to release. Some of us like fishing or bowling. My favorite active to release stress is to hit the gym or writing. There are MULTIPLE ways to get it out of you if you are dealing with an issue that is able to be recovered from.
But what about the more serious unrecoverable mistake? Lets say you stepped out on your spouse & came home with an “oops baby” ! Or you get pulled over under the influence & lose you license that you need to keep food on the table. These are not kingly movements BUT we are human at dawn. These types of errors requires a more extensive type of recovery room. They say time heals all wounds which is true. You will be healed but you may not be healed in due time but you may not heal in the fashion you hoped for. All we can do ss come to terms with out poor decision in hopes to someday find peace. Be a man. Be an adult. Admit your mistakes to the younger eyes that may be watching. Fill them in on how you felt & what you were thinking in your moment of weakness. Just sharing your experience with a young god could prevent them from making such irreversible mistakes! As men its out job to raise our community LOX. Living Off Xperience!
The Tongue: Tool vs Weapon
In grade school we learned about the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you want others to do unto you. The secondary lesson was created in attempt to keep a kid from using a weapon they were highly inexperienced with. That weapon was the tongue. Mrs. Teacher always told us that if we do not have anything nice to say, then do NOT say anything at all. Having a sharp tongue can be a blessing & a curse. But to a child, the tongue is a fleshy organ used to taste pastries & to stick out at a peer you are not too keen of. What magnitude of damage can come from a taste tester?
At my age I can say I’ve almost seen & heard it all. Theres a “game” we just to play as kids that sharpened our weapon in the name of entertainment. We used to call it “Rank On” & the generation before us call it “The Dozen” ! The purpose of playing Rank On is to tell mean spirited joke at the expense of someone else’s physical flaws or financial situation. Despite joking about someone, the wrong words can hit hard & cut deep.
Its human to have parts of our anatomy that we wish we could change. The skinny wish they had meat on their bones. The thick wish they had less meat. Short stacks wish they could be elevated a bit. I could go on and on. I have my own less desirable parts that I wish I could snap my fingers & rid myself of. I’ve been crushed numerous times in my past from when a woman I pursued wasn’t interested in me due to my imperfections & boy does that burn right to the core.
Now as adults, we have a better sense of control when it comes to using our weapon. Mastery of your tool will lead you to places you never thought were possible. Negotiators have talked lost souls off suicide ledges. Pastors have used their tool to inspire & spread hope that tomorrow the sun will shine regardless. The power in words is such a remarkable force when used by motivational speakers. You can influence people by the masses & that energy is an unstopped force if used as a took and NOT a weapon. How many of you Kings attracted your spouse or lady friend with that ole mighty Gift of Gab? Its God sent to have such a tool that can responsibly be used at our leisure.
As Kings, its up to us to know when to pull the double edge & determine which side we should be active with. As I always say, without power comes responsibly. Use that energy wisely while remaining a paradigm; for little brown eyes are watching your every motion. Uncontrolled power of a brute is dangerous but controlled energy from a loyal King is calming. Just knowing I contain the power to cut your head off with my tongue but rather use my tool to build advice to your head is the type of celestial energy we need in our Kingdom!
Blaxic Masculinity
About a week ago I toyed around with the idea of trading in my paid off 2007 Mercury Milan for something a bit newer & shinier. I wanted a small SUV but really didn’t NEED another vehicle because my 14 year old mode of transportation is very reliable. The “salesman” continued to poke fun of my trade in saying things like it looks rough and has seen better days. After realizing that the salesman was full of fluff and could not fulfill all the promises he dished out over the phone, he TRIED to push me off into a 2015 car that had almost as much mileage as my ‘07. At this point I was done because he felt it was ok to draw attention to the imperfections of my Milan but I was just suppose to sit back, accept and finance ALL the damages on his car. As you begin to familiarize yourself with me, you will learn 2 things that set me off are adolescent semantics & double standards.
There’s this new term floating around called Toxic Masculinity & it really displays a nasty double standard. Just as guns do not kill people but irresponsible people with guns do, masculinity is nowhere near toxic but some men can be. Do not blame masculinity for a handful of men’s actions. The word masculinity is defined as qualities or attributes regarded as characteristics of men. As I just stated, a man may be toxic but don’t blame it on masculinity.
Here is where the problems arise. In our community, society has tried everything in its power to keep a positive black man out of the black community. They have done this by murder, incarceration or by simply incentivizing the woman & giving her tangibles & telling her she does NOT need a man. Every community needs men to protect & provide for their women and kids but they label it TOXIC when a Blackman secures & supplies for their own. Whites, for years, have taken their young boys hunting, fishing, camping and shooting so they can grow up to keep a watchful eye on their people. But soon as a Blackman wants to teach his offspring to man up, its labeled as toxic & destructive. Please do NOT let society convince our future Kings that masculinity is poisonous & deadly. We should have the same rights and privileges as they do to confidently keep our citizenry shielded.
You will always see a double standard when you compare what goes on in our neighborhoods to what goes on on the opposite side of the tracks . Little boys of non color are able to go out & indulge in “oh boys will be boys” activities. When our boys partake in the similar actions, they are held accountable & told their actions are highly toxic. The world seems to want to sissify our boys & shame them away from being the God born protectors & providers they were created to be. Our black Princes’ are being estrogen washed to the point where in the next 5 years, we will not have anyone to preserve our women & children from harm.
Black men, its crucial that we continue to bond with our young men. Its time to take them fishing so they can feed our communities off the land. Take them to the gun range so they are molded into responsible gun owners. Teach them how to hike & camp so they can lead our families off the grid if threat arises. Onyx said “Let the Boys Be Boys” & our young men should have the same opportunities to display their masculinity. Do NOT allow civilization to shame our male youth into thinking that being a man & doing manly things are toxic. Kings do kingly things & our youth should be conditioned to be the leaders, providers and protectors that the Universe manufactured us to be.
Secure A Secured Credit Card
A few summers ago Enterprise had a weekend special that was too good to refuse. As usual I reserved my vehicle online with my trusty credit card & everything was smooth sailing. When I made it to the location to retrieve my rental, there was a young black man trying to get a rental himself. I felt so bad for him because he was catching the blues all because he didn’t have a credit card. He was told he was required to pay with his debit card, leave a cash deposit of $300. They also wanted him to provide proof of residence & proof that he had steady income.
I understand a car is an expensive piece of machinery to release to just any ole body but it was rather heart breaking watching him being unable to get a rental. This is where the power of the secured credit card comes in at. I can’t speak for all black people but I wasn’t illuminated on how & why we should maintain decent credit scores. If you suffer from poor to questionable credit, a secured credit card is a solid solution.
They operate just as a regular credit card but they are backed by your own money. Once you find which secured card better suits your needs or situation, you can start one with as little as $200. If you are an income tax recipient or have the extra cash, I suggest depositing $500-$1000. The amount you put in is and same amount you will get out. You will see a nice fica score increase once the credit bureaus find out someone “trusted” you with a $1000 credit card. You can use these cards at every gas station or major retailer. The key to being successful with a secured card is to Never charge more than you are able to pay back at one time. Example. If you charge $500 that month & only bring home $300 per month, you just incited a huge disservice to your self. So keep your balances low & your spending in check.
But wait, it gets better. Some secured cards offer a cash back percentage on most purchases. You may be rewarded pennies for every dollar spent but over time, those pennies become mini treasures. But my favorite part is after 8-12 month of being a responsible card user, these companies will send you the deposited amout back & convert your card into one that is unsecured. Now you have a real credit card in your Wallet as well as your returned deposit.
It’s so much easier to rent cars, book hotel and flights with a credit card. Secured or unsecured. A credit card is a credit card. You will see how easier it is to travel & how flexible moving around becomes. So black people, invest in yourselves and secure you a secured card today.
Choosing An Abode
So I recently found 2 new loves of my life. Ice coffee’s & mini road trips. While finding a stellar ice coffee is a little a tad simpler, it still requires research to examine every option to ensure you are getting the best product & experience available. After selecting your destination of peace, it’s now time to determine the type of abode to house your family. Its not as simple as flipping a coin. Do you choose a traditional hotel or a more modern Airbnb?
Being a very novice traveler, my advice comes from research and not expertise so correct me if I relay something inaccurate. Here are my findings from my research. Hotels are the way to go. You can find great deals through sites like Expedia or Booking. These sites offer rental cars & flights as well as sleeping accommodations. They are easier to book & offer more flexible pricing options. The Airbnb I was interested in was cheaper than the hotel was per night but after taxes, service & cleaning fees, it was more expensive in the end.
Hotels also offer restaurants, bars, workout equipment, pools and business centers. This is another department were an Airbnb looses value. The traditional chain hotel is more a one stop shop to complete any destination visit. Here is the weirdest part of an Airbnb. I have seen where you get the entire flat to yourself but the “private room” ones are a bit on the unorthodox side. For a host, how do you sleep with a stranger under your roof? As a guest, how can you fully enjoy a spot knowing that the host’s family is on the other side of the wall? I find this very creepy & would lower my rate of enjoyment.
As I stated earlier, I am a pretty inexperienced traveller so do your own research to ensure you are getting the required level of peace for your short term get away.
Train Them On Love
The universe gave us 2 ears, 2 eyes & 1 mouth because we are suppose to do 2 times more listening & watching than we do talking. This is also an important factor in holding a leadership role. You have to be taught before you can teach. Before you can train you must have been trained. Training is a situational based learning that prepares a trainee how to react to a said occurrence before it happens. Example. Employees who work on an assembly line are educated on how to correct a problem in advance. It would be lunacy to wait til a Machine is inoperable to want to direct someone on how to repair it. Being visually & audibly aware of a situation allows you to spring into action in case something doesn’t go as planned.
Love isn’t an on the job training but why must we figure out how to fix a relationship when it already showing signs of impairment? As constructive leaders & parents we must train our kids on what love IS & not what society says it should be. Love is forgiving, unconditional, entire & unlimited. An abundant love is more than buying tangibles & concrete items. Show a seed love by giving them directions. You can lead a horse to water but you can not make them drink. You’ll feel better knowing you did your part by passing that knowledge along. Be there for them and experience happy days and traumatic events with them. Ensure them that no matter how hard life punches them, you’ll be in their corner ready to console them or throw in the towel if things get extremely unsatisfactory.
Its a disservice to allow an offspring to wander blind into the world without knowing the slightest taste of love. Don’t offer them a plate; give them the recipe. As kids transition into young adulthood, love should not be an experimental drug but something they recognized without a doubt. In order to be loved, you must be trained on how to recognize love. Relationships are all diverse but the recipe of love is pretty much the same. Educate our youth to know how to recognize & then how to accept and digest it. Just like the machine worker, our babies need to be able to identify when something isn’t going right and have the tools & the skills to correct a relationship on the fly.
Lead Us To Leadership
There is no secret that our community needs more leaders. I’m not speaking of hustling preacher type leaders. I’m talking about Black Men that lead by example & do not partake in the “Do as I say, not as I do!” mentality. The issue is we have ample bosses but not many solid leaders. In order to recognize what a black leader is, we must dissect that powerful term and make sense of the term LEADER. On the surface, its pretty self explanatory. A leader is someone who leads. But let’s excavate deeper into the center of a leader.
A leader is someone who is in control of a group of set people. This group follows the words or actions of the LEADER. In order to lead, you must gain the love, trust & respect of your community. The only way to obtain the trust and respect from your citizenry is to lead by example & NEVER ask the community to attempt a task that you have never done or will ever do.
Once the community sees that you are more bite than bark & you value your word, your possession of leadership is easily obtained. With any great power comes great responsibility. There are certain attributes that a leader must have to control that power. You must be aware of your surroundings at all time & know when to put that leadership into full force. Be aware of what battles are worth fighting & which feuds are not worth wasting energy on. Be mindful that eyes are always on you from people who respect you & the ones who are praying for you to fail. Do not allow an irresponsible action to tarnish the respect from your citizenry. This careless act will also catch the attention of the adversary who will find enjoyment and pleasure in your humanly mistake.
I will be revisiting this topic a few times a month in hopes that we can keep our youth on the correct path of becoming productive leaders & to redirect the adults who may have fallen astray. If you have any advice for me to become a better lead, feel free to leave your commentary below or reach out via the Contact Page.
These Jobs SUCK!
I’d say its safe to assume that 90% of Black Americans feel that their jobs suck. What exactly does it mean to have jobs that suck? Low wages? High stress levels? Long hours? Demanding upper management? Unrealistic goals? Business models that simply do not make any sense? By tossing a few of these suck factors into any hourly task is enough to drive us crazy. Our employers seem to specialize in handing us a tiny paycheck with a smile in exchange for our valuable time. Time is the most valuable resource on the planet & we can not run to our local market and pick up a dozen of it. The audacity of them to tell us what our time is worth. Show them your price tag & let them know your self worth.
My apologies for going off topic a bit. I was referring to the double entendre of when a job sucks. These jobs seem to be designed to suck away all of your energy, creativity and happiness. When your 9 to 5 extracts your soul from your body, you enter a dangerous state of functional comatose. You come home with elevated stress levels and deflated levels of enthusiasm & creativity to invest into your own passions. It’s rather sickening how these jobs exploit us from our God given talents that we should be using to lace our own pockets. They gulp you dry of all your will & happiness to the point that you can’t even capitalize on your own contentment.
This is not a post about maximizing your money to the point of financial freedom. I’ll be touching on that topic in depth later in the summer. This post is about working less hours & keeping the lights. There’s that double entendre again. Work enough hours to pay your utility bills & keep the lights on. Also ensure that once you punch that clock after your shift, you have enough power to maintain your mental lights on so you can illuminate your own abilities to craft your own Spiritual Fitness. Don’t let your job disconnect the power to your happiness!
Forgiveness Friday
The Art of Self Forgiveness
As Black people, we can be extra selfish at times. When people hear the word Forgive, the first thing that usually comes to mind is us being asked to forgive someone for some foul event that was directed at us. Let’s wash that type of forgiveness from our brain for a moment. While inspirationally living life, we need to focus our attention to the bull’s eye of self cleaning or self forgiveness.
After a long days work, we come home to a porcelain container to cleanse our bodies with warm water & refreshing soaps. But how many of us come home & relieve ourselves of the soil that contaminates our souls? An internal cleanse is just as important & vital as an external, physical rinse. Us as black people need to worship ourselves more as well as ask ourselves for Self Forgiveness!
Has there ever been a time you cut yourself short and missed an opportunity for greatness? This could be anything from not completing a college course or not taking a training for a promotion serious. We are all human & we all have missed the boat before. I can think of countless chances I’ve missed that could have landed me in a better position in life. Instead of sulking in these memories, cleanse them from your soul with Self Forgiveness.
Dear self, I forgive me for not taking education & bettering life skills more somberly. I ask that I forgive myself for being wasteful with commodities opposed to holding them in my possession for a rainy day. Please accept my forgiveness for fighting battles minute & running from brawls I should have fought. Despite my downfalls, I still worship & love thy self. And I will ALWAYS forgive thy self as well.
Whiskey Wednesday
Aint nothing like a good ole shot of whiskey after a Black Man has been balancing the world all day. A key ingredient in achieving Spiritual Fitness is unwinding & reaching a state of mental relaxation. Soon as you arrive in the land of the cool, calm & collective; your mind is able to navigate to places of the ultimate comfort. Prayer & Yoga puts in overtime when you are completely in the zone without a worry in the world.
Whiskey has power & with power comes responsibility. Just like anything else in life, too much of anything can be a problem. Fruit is great for you but too much will have you injecting insulin. A drink or 2 of power water is actually more beneficial detrimental. Add in a few cubes of ice to dilute the concentrate into something more manageable.
A responsible man who has total control over exterior energy is a god. Knowing your limits & calling it quits soon as you cross the line of niceness is an adult action that we must master to use this spirit. Feel free to list your favorite spirits that you use to reach the relaxation realm below. Also post some black owned labels so we can make sure we solely support them & pump life into the heart of their business. Today is Wednesday; AKA Hump day! I can see Friday from here but I could use a shot of something to refuel my entire being to ensure I arrive there in GOOD SPIRITS!
Travel Tuesday
Stress plays a huge factor in determining what type of mental health we have. Elevated stress can literally make us ill. A great way to destress is to remove yourself from stress. Travel is an amazing way to get things off your shoulders and will lead you down the road to a healthier lifestyle physically and mentally.
We recognize the desperate need for a healthier spiritual fitness plan & vacationing is one of the most important focus areas. A change in surroundings doesn’t have to cost an arm & a leg. A simple hike on a local path or even plane hopping to a far away destination will aide in reversing the effects of stress. The positive effects that white sands & clear waters have on our souls is somewhat medicinal.
As black people, we should NOT be afraid to travel. While planning a destination get away, it’s important to know where you are going, how much money it will take and what activities you will partake in. We do not want to increase stress while arranging a trip designed to decrease it. A travel agent could help level out some of the stress and can also aide you in finding better deals and extend your stay for a lower cost. If you know of any black travel agents, please leave their contact info below in the comments section. In future Travel Tuesday post, I want to be able to share some great summertime travel deals and ideas with the ILL family. This is another awesome way of keeping our money in community.
In closing, it doesn’t matter if you are laying on a golden brown beach or even visiting the snowy slopes, get out there, take a deep breath as you take it all in. Pack a bag but leave the stress at home.