The Hidden Father
My dad & I. 📸1-7-2012
Happy Father’s Day Community. Today is the day we celebrate & commemorate all the real Black fathers. This will probably be a very difficult post to compose due to the sensitivity of the topic. My thoughts were truly all over the road until my editor showed me which lane I needed to be in. Society & the media will twist your arm to convince you that real, loving Black Dad’s are as rare as polka dotted unicorn. This was the initial course I was taking. Then something in me said I was to speak on my hidden dad. I’m not the only person in the world with a hidden father so for numerous reason, I declined to take that road. Here at I.L.L, we do not promote the condemnation of one’s mistakes to exalt another. I am not vilifying him but stating a fact that I had a hidden father.
As a child, there were not many dads on my street. I had a favorite uncle who would drive in from Houston almost every weekend but other than that, I didn’t have many male influences. It was a teaspoon of normalcy not to see dads around so I never questioned who he was, where he was or why he wasn’t here. Kids were conditioned not to question adults about adult affairs & a child was suppose to be seen & not heard back then. As years went by, his absence did not affect me largely. I can count on 1 hand how many times I imagined what life would be like if I had a Heathcliff Huxtable or a James Evens Sr. molding me. Then it happened. When I was 19 years old, I ran into someone who knew my dad on a personal level & she introduced us. 😳
After spending a little time with him, I found out that he was really a nice & funny guy. He was a God-fearing man that loved his church & he was well loved throughout the community. So many people praised & spoke highly of ole Slim. I started noticing that genetics are real & I had a lot of qualities & interests from a guy who was hidden. We looked & acted a lot alike despite him not being around to influence me. The curiosity of what type of man I would have been if I had his hand of influence but a close friend told me that I am amazing the way I am & the butterfly effect could make me a completely different man if I had changed one of the many influences I was already blessed with.
The Sagittarius in me began to research. Deer do not have to be taught to walk; they just walk when the time comes. Mother bird doesn’t teach baby bird how to release himself from his shell so do I need a dad to learn how to become one? In life, we are all dealt different hands. What makes one man could be that same element that breaks another. I took the cards I was dealt & began analyzing my hand. This is when I realized that I, too, was a hidden father. Let me clarify that. I had a hidden father buried deep inside of me. But how do I crack the shell & release him? The father in me just knew how to release himself that day I saw my daughter being born.
Parents with multiple children will definitely let it be known that each child has their own personality, attitude and mindset. There is no “Black Dad’s Blueprint for Parenting”! So in my opinion, it’s uber important to have that positive male’s presence or a constructive father figure to become James Evans. I was not blessed to have that male impact to imprint the stamp of manhood approval on my chest. But I did have the most precious person in my life teach me how to reveal the hidden father in me. MY NEW BORN DAUGHTER!
Holding her for the first time showed me that I needed to release the hidden father in me. Any & everything that was keeping that inclosed was instantly shattered when I saw those celestial eyes. She taught me that I needed to do for her all the thing I wish mines had done for me. My daughter instilled in me that being anything less than a man of my word could permanently damage her fragile heart. That overnight transformation took me from being a Black man to being an unhidden Black Father. I became a protector! A provider! A dad joke dropping comedian. I became a better cleaner, a more wholesome cook. Every life lesson that was engraved in me was amplified by 💯 after seeing her face. In the past, Kings took part in making princes’ & princesse’s but 1-7-2006 was the first time in history that a Princess created a King.
Happy Father’s Day. Instill Love & Loyalty . Inspirationally Live Live!
