Life Gonna Life: Assisting A Friend In Mourning
One thing we can all agree on is that life is gonna life. You can plan each move with caution & make all the right turns but somehow thing will go left. Life will take you on some interesting turns but despite that, we just can’t get off the road. The cycle of life simply means that life is an interlude to death. Everything that is born will die. Wether you believe life is meant for you to sit back & let God take ahold of the wheel or you believe the universe gave us knowledge & strength to guide our vessel on the course of our choice, our final destination is the same. When a friend or family member is mourning the loss of a loved soul, they need all the love & support possible. But some thing should not fall from your mouth while attempting to be supportive.
What we are not going to do is continuously ask how they are doing or how they are feeling! While encountering death of a loved one, no one can take an honest inventory & tell you how they feel. Emotions are spiraling & their mind is in jumbles. If you could open up their mind, you’d literally see alphabet soup. Letters floating without structure attempting to form some sort of meaning or significance. Also, never tell a mourning friend how you feel they should feel or how they should be reacting to a tragedy. Leave all typical cliche prescripts to the other 100 people they will encounter. Things like “I’m sorry to hear that!” is tasteless. It could be perceived as you don’t care about it happening and you are only sorry to hear about it. Secondly, NEVER bring God up. The worse phrase of support you could ever offer is, “ God knows what he is doing or God makes no mistakes.” Saying things like “it was just their time to go” is senseless & callous. When folks are vulnerable they question why almighty God allowed such a tragic event to unfold. The energy that created all the heaven & Earth in 6 days was not able to save my loved one was a question that populated my mind when I lost my sister.
If you are spiritual & decided you want to pray, be careful what you pray for. Praying that someone feels better is not it. You will never be better after dealing with mortality. Instead, ask God to give them strength to continue to face this; pray for peace that may help your friend find tranquility in their tragedy. Even the most religions individuals would prefer to be embraced by arms of flesh.
If someone has opened up to you & allowed you to be present, here are a few tidbits of advice that could mean the world to your friend in need. If you are going to be there, BE THERE! We were born with 2 ears & 1 mouth so we should be doing twice as much listening than we do talking. Listen & ensure them that you hear them. Completely closing your mouth is a remarkable way to helping because silence is a powerful voice. Force-feeding a family member unwelcome advice only makes your visit worse. If the pain is unbearable, offer counseling or nurturing grief groups. Allowing them to open up to an unbiased perspective can chip away at the hurt in their hearts. Allowing someone to vent helps them answer a lot of their own questions without you even uttering a word. Being alone is NOT an option when friends are at their lowest point. Be there without being overbearing.
Do me a favor and squeeze your forearm. You can feel how soft & fragile the human flesh can be. But imagine if you could touch the soul of someone suffering. What you would feel is shattered pieces of what was once an entire being. Puzzle pieces toss about in shambles & pieces that are lost & will never be able to be re-assembled. We are all weak. Humans are sociable creature & need each other for positive reinforcements & strength.
There is not a grieving blueprint. There is not a right or a wrong way. Just as our fingerprint differ, so do our habits of grieving. Never tell someone how they should ache. Do not become a backseat driver. Allow the mournful to navigate as they wish; just as long as they are not navigating into treachery & headed for self destruction. Try asking is there anything you could do to help. Sending your condolences every 15 minutes without actions is pointless. Do you need anything? Can I pick you up something? What can I do to help? These phrases are way more healing than your prayers.
These steps can determine the speed of someone’s healing. I complied these actions from a friend who is actually living this walking nightmare. If you know of other helpful ways to be there for someone hurting, please reach out to me or list them in the comment section below. We are all human. We are all weak. Do not wait til pain knocks on your door. One day that interesting turn that life takes could be the unthinkable.
🤎🖤Black Love ✊🏿 Black Power ☮️ Black Peace to my 🌡 Community.
