When Forever Ends: The Shock of an Unexpected Divorce 💔

Since I started this journey, my content has been about building a better self to aid your household to grow into stronger families in which in return develops mightier neighborhoods that will nourish healthy & prosperous Black communities. A dreadlock composed of healthy hairs is more resilient than one made of damaged hairs. This same logic goes into developing stronger colonies. Our families, neighborhoods & communities are only as strong as the weakest member.

One morning in late February, my Queen informed me that she no longer wanted to reside with me & wanted her own space. 💔 Her words literally & figuratively cracked my heart, world & soul. There isn’t a perfect relationship on the planet & mines was no different but I will contest that 97% of our marriage was filled with amazing love & great experiences. It wasn’t that we love but HOW we loved that separated our marriage from others. There was no infidelity or unfaithfulness. We kept our hands to ourselves when we did have disagreements. Neither of us had habits or tricked off bill money on unnecessary trinkets. She was about to turn 53 yrs old & I guess she had a change of heart. But how does one continue to be that strong individual that keeps the castle up & running after your better 1/2 leaves the kingdom?

Stick To The Routine:

Soon as you are able to recover from the damage of the situation, you have to get back to the regularly scheduled routine. If you are dealing with the lose of an income, its vital to sit-down & revamp your expenses. Pay off any tedious bills, lower whatever bills you can & cutback on luxuries like the fastest internet plans, streaming subscriptions & unnecessary expenses. Recalculate your take home income & do NOT forget to leave out any bonuses or other sources of income that are not guaranteed. Once you get an accurate idea of what you bring home, you can start alleviating the fat & fluff expenses & lowering what is possible.

If you & your spouse had plans, STICK WITH THEM. 7-31-25 was our 9 year wedding anniversary & we had plans to pull up in Miami Beach. It was uber heartbreaking but our annimeray trip became a solo trip. While I didn’t get to do the things I wanted to, I had an amazing time relaxing on the beach & reflecting on what next steps the universe had for my single, solo self.

My whole life I was suffered with self confidence & obesity so after a year of dieting & hard work, I was able to take my shirt off in public for the first time in my life. 🫣 That was a goal I stuck to & it truly boosted my confidence during this strenuous time.

Less Details = More Peace:

The old saying is, “Don’t go looking for something because you WILL find it.” I was raised to the logic that questions are a portal for pain. Asking questions to someone who doesn’t want to be with you anymore can decrease your peace & mental health. Questions like “Do you still love me?” , only opens the door of pain for responses like “Yes, but I’m no longer in love!” Asking of there is someone else or did you step out on me (in my opinion) hurts more than not knowing. Someone moving out means they are moved on so at that point, assume they have done the unimaginable, take your ball 🏀 & go home.

Why Contest?:

Allowing your spouse to go in peace is the 1st step of the healing process. The old saying goes, “If it comes back to you then it was truly yours!” Contesting someone to stay or begging them not to leave is one of the worst things you can do. Expressing your love for them is one thing but begging someone to stay is like convincing a 🟫 that it can comfortably fit into a 🟤 hole. Guilting my wife to stay when she’s emotionally already gone wouldn’t be fair to myself. Waking up next to someone & still feeling alone is unnecessary wear & tear on your self & strips away your ability to be a better you & hinders your abilities to continue strengthening your home, neighborhoods & community, We living in a “Born Alone, Die Alone” world & at the end of the day, No one is coming to save you so you MUST take care of your self when your mate isn’t interested in upholding the sacredness of a Holy Vow.

Rebuke Bad Advice:

When going through a divorce, your mental health is already under heavy strain, and the advice you choose to follow can either help you heal or deepen your pain. Friends and family may mean well, but not all advice is wise, healthy, or tailored to your situation. Bad advice can fuel anger, create unnecessary conflict, or keep you stuck in bitterness instead of moving forward. People telling me that God has someone better for me was the most irritating words that crossed my ears. Another person should not be in the mix when you are watching to see where the pieces of your life & mental being are landing. Protecting your mental space means being intentional about who you listen to—seeking guidance from professionals, supportive loved ones, or people who have walked the journey with grace. By filtering out harmful voices, you give yourself the clarity and peace needed to heal, rebuild, and step into a healthier future.

Picking Up The Pieces:

The events expressed here were unexpected & shocking. I feel as if I was T-boned by someone running a red-light. After this life altering collision, I’m still watching my entire world collapse around me. I’m allowing ALL of the pieces to settle before I make an attempt to collect what’s salvageable & dispose of what’s no longer needed. It’s healthy to toss away the pieces that no longer fit for it leaves room for new growth that you must carefully nurture & monitor. Be cautious not to cut yourself during the healing & reassembly process. Self inflicted injury will only prolong your progression.

Keep in mind that the parting faction is also healing. If kids are involved, they, too are also dealing with pain, confusion and adjusting to a new way of life. Be strong for our future Kings & Queens & pray that they use the lessons you taught them so they’ll continue to strength the new household that may also in return strengthen their new neighborhood. Taking care of your self doesn’t mean to be selfish & disregard what everyone else involved may be experiencing. Never speak ill of the parting partner because only God knows what the future holds for that person you love so dearly.

🤎🖤Black Love ✊🏿 Black Power ☮️ Black Peace to my 🌡 Community.