Finding Joy When the Holidays Don’t Feel the Same Anymore
As we get older, the holidays can begin to feel different in ways we never expected. The laughter sounds softer, the rooms feel quieter, and the spaces once filled by familiar faces now hold memories instead. Friends move miles away, families change, and some of the people who made the season feel sacred now live only in our hearts. What once felt magical can sometimes feel heavy, and the holidays have a way of magnifying absence. Grief often arrives quietly, sitting beside us at the table, reminding us of who is missing and how much they mattered.
Still, even in the midst of loss, joy hasn’t disappeared—it’s simply waiting to be rediscovered. It may not arrive the way it used to, but it shows up in smaller, gentler moments that ask for our attention. Learning to recognize those moments is part of growing older and learning how to carry love forward.
1. Honor the Memories Instead of Avoiding Them
One of the most healing things you can do during the holidays is allow yourself to remember fully. Speak their names, share their stories, cook their favorite dish, or play the song that instantly brings them back into the room. Memories don’t deepen the pain—they give it direction and meaning. Love doesn’t end when someone passes; it simply changes form. When we honor memories, we allow joy and grief to exist together, reminding us that love is still very much alive.
Avoiding memories can sometimes make the loss feel heavier and lonelier. Embracing them invites warmth back into the season, even through tears. There is strength in remembrance, and there is comfort in knowing that those we love are still part of our celebrations in spirit.
2. Create New Traditions Without Guilt
It’s okay if the holidays don’t look or feel the same anymore. Life changes us, and honoring those changes doesn’t mean we are leaving anyone behind. Creating new traditions allows space for healing and growth. Whether it’s volunteering, traveling, hosting a smaller gathering, or spending the day doing something peaceful and restorative, new rituals help redefine the season.
Letting go of old expectations can lift an invisible weight off your heart. You are not betraying the past by choosing joy in the present. Sometimes, joy returns when we give ourselves permission to experience the holidays differently—without comparison, without pressure, and without guilt. These traditions can be the simplest of things. For instance, my new tradition is buying a Ralph Lauren Bear hoodie.
3. Lean into Connection—Wherever it Exists
Connection may not always come from the same places it once did, but it still surrounds us. It can be found in a phone call, a shared meal, a handwritten note, or even a quiet moment of reflection with yourself. Allowing yourself to reach out—or to accept comfort when it’s offered—can soften the loneliness that often lingers during the holidays. Human connection, in all its forms, has the power to remind us that we are not alone.
Sometimes connection is choosing presence over isolation, even when it feels hard. Other times, it’s giving yourself grace to be still and honor your emotions. Both are valid, and both are necessary. Love continues to find us when we remain open to it.
Accept the Joy
And remember this: Santa still delivers gifts to our family in heaven. So if you close your eyes, say a quiet prayer, and feel a cool breeze brush over your body, don’t be afraid to smile. That may have just been Santa delivering a heavenly package to the ones you love and miss the most—wrapped in peace, comfort, and everlasting love. Even though we can’t see them, the bond remains unbroken, especially during the season meant to celebrate love.
🤎🖤Black Love ✊🏿 Black Power ☮️ Black Peace to my 🌡 Community
